Happy Easter!

I love this clip and its powerful message about the "real meaning" of Easter. Sometimes I forget that Easter is about more than Reese's Eggs and Peeps. (By the way, I finally got the Reese's eggs for those who guessed on Greg's playlist. I'll be mailing them out this week.)

As a young child, I participated in the typical Easter routines--coloring eggs, Easter baskets, the Easter Bunny, the whole shebang--and like all kids, I loved it! I was probably about 12 when my parents announced to us that the Easter Bunny would not be visiting our house that year and we would be spending our time focusing on the "real meaning" of Easter. I guess they figured we were all old enough to know "the truth" about the Easter Bunny and so it wouldn't be a big deal. I remember feeling a bit put out--I really liked my yellow Easter basket filled with treats I didn't need and hopefully a CD or something cool. With all of my adolescent wisdom, I remember telling my mom, "Oh, great idea! Why don't we just quit having Santa Claus come and focus on the 'real meaning' of Christmas, too?" She told me that was fine with her and we could plan on it for next Christmas, so I decided I better just shut my mouth before they decided to retire Santa Claus along with the Easter Bunny. I didn't see what the big deal was about the "real meaning" of Easter, but figured I could live with it.

Over the years, I have come to understand a little bit more about the "real meaning" of Easter my parents were talking about and the miracle of our Savior's Atonement and the hope it gives us in our lives. I guess I could say I have always believed that Jesus Christ is our Redeemer--I've never doubted it--but I don't think I truly understood the importance of his Atonement in my life until I was in college.

I guess you could say I lived a pretty charmed life during my growing up years--my parents were happily married, I got along well with my siblings, I had lots of friends, we had a decent house to live in, no major medical problems, etc. Of course, there were the usual adolescent heartaches like losing school elections or not making a team, problems with friends, not having everything I wanted, but overall my life was great. Nothing major enough to humble me to the point I would really have to think about the Savior's sacrifice and what it meant for me.

During my freshman year of college, my grandma was diagnosed with cancer and received treatment for it. I'm sure it wasn't easy for her, but she fought it and went into remission. I was away at school and wasn't around for much of this, so it didn't really affect my daily life much--I would pray for her and worry occasionally, but I was wrapped up in my own life. During my junior year, she started getting sick again and eventually the doctors determined her cancer had returned and had metastisized, and so they gave her 6 months to a year to live. The cancer spread quickly and within just a few weeks she was very ill. Looking back now, I can see how obvious it should have been that she was dying quickly, but none of us were ready to accept it. We had a very close family and my grandma had been the heart of it, and I don't think any of us could even begin to comprehend what life would be like without her, so we fought against it. We wanted to believe that with treatment and some divine intervention, she could recover and be healthy again, but it wasn't to be.

It was the middle of April, just about six weeks after her diagnosis, and a few days before my final exams when my mom called to tell me my grandma wasn't doing well and I better come quickly. I loaded up my stuff and by the time I made the two hour drive home, my grandma had already lost consciousness and was drifting slowly out of this life and into the next. We all kept a vigil at her bedside for the next few days, pleading desperately for a miracle and not believing that the Lord would really take her from us. In my opinion, it just didn't feel like it was her time to go and I didn't want to accept it. After a few agonizing days, she finally passed away and we were all totally devestated. It had happened so quickly and I think the whole family was in shock and not really believing she could be gone. The grief I felt at that time seemed to me to be almost unbearable. I had never lost anyone so close to me, and it hurt. She passed away on a Thursday morning, and the coming Sunday was Easter. It seemed almost cruel to me to have to think about Easter and try to be happy in the midst of such loss.

I drove back to school that Saturday to try to study for my finals and make arrangements for the exams I would have to miss to attend the viewing and funeral. I attended my student ward that Sunday. Towards the end of the meeting, the bishop stood up and announced he had felt impressed to call on some members of the audience to bear their testimonies about Easter and our Savior's Atonement. I had a feeling he was going to say my name, but didn't know how in the world I was going to bear my testimony when I felt so empty. When he called me up, I did feel peace as I bore my testimony of the power of the Savior's Atonement to bring us comfort and strength in our times of sorrow. I also mentioned how grateful I was to know that because of the Atonement and our Savior's Resurrection, we had the hope to live together with our loved ones eternally. I had never really thought much or understood the "real meaning" of Easter, but I realized that day how desperately I needed to believe in the power of the Atonement to bring happiness and peace to my troubled heart.

I did feel the presence of the Comforter during the next several weeks, but it was still very difficult. I had always considered myself strong spiritually and emotionally, but this was definitely a test of my faith. It was hard for me to control my emotions and I felt like I was a total basketcase. Greg and I were dating at the time, and we had many long walks and drives, which usually consisted of me crying and him trying to console me with doctrine from the scriptures I didn't really want to hear. Eventually, I began to listen to him and he helped me to understand how important it was for me to trust in the Savior and to find peace in Him. While it didn't happen overnight, I began to feel peace and happiness again as I contemplated the wonder of the Savior's sacrifice and the reality of His love for us.

Over the years, I have come to realize that the "real meaning" of Easter is that we can find happiness and joy in our lives, even and especially in the midst of trials and loss. With the passing of time and the Savior's help, we can overcome all things and find peace and comfort through trusting in Him. Despite our heartaches, it is His love that makes it possible for us to wake up each morning, get out of bed, and face the world with a smile--even though we all have days when it would be easier just to pull the covers over our heads and feel sorry for ourselves.

Although I still miss my Grandma (and always will), I am grateful for the lessons I learned about the miracle of Easter and the Savior's Atonement and Resurrection. Since that time, all of my grandparents have passed away and while I still miss them, I am truly happy this Easter because I know I will see them again.